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KENYA (CAP) – Actress and Oxfam Ambassador Scarlett Johansson and her breasts visited Kenya this week to see the devastating impact of the drought in East Africa.
“The scale of poverty in Dadaab is overwhelming,” said Johansson, who brought her breasts to the Dadaab refugee camp, where tens of thousands of Somali refugees have arrived.
“Refugees of war and starvation are now left to suffer everyday life with the very barest of essentials,” she said, her breasts heaving in seeming agreement behind a snug, blue-checkered blouse.
While in Kenya, Johansson’s breasts posed with dozens of refugees who were glad to see such a prominent American actress’s bosoms being brought to bear in alerting the world to their plight.
Hawa Onyango, a local community leader who lamented the seemingly endless struggle of the Somali people, said through a translator that she hoped the eyes of the world would turn toward this looming humanitarian disaster, even as they focused on Johansson’s breasts.
“Eventually people will have to remove their eyes from Scarlett’s bosoms, just as they must turn away from the sun or risk blindness,” said Onyango, referencing an ancient Somali proverb. “But we hope the world continues to look upon the people of Kenya, even when we are not standing next to those two luminous mounds.”
The translator noted that “luminous mounds” was a loose translation, and the meaning of Onyango’s words (mwanamke kifusi) might have actually been closer to “lady lumps.”
“Either way, they’re pretty spectacular,” the translator noted.
During her two days spent at the camp, Johansson’s breasts were covered but clearly discernable behind the aforementioned checkered blouse as well as, in other photographs, a clingy gray top, possibly cashmere. In some pictures they were partially obscured by a long white scarf wrapped around the actress’s head and around her shoulders, but somehow that made them even more astonishing.
“As an official Oxfam ambassador, Scarlett brings a lot to the table,” said Oxfam Executive Director Sally Vanderslice. “By which I mean her intelligence, her drive, and her breasts, not necessarily in that order.”
For her part, Johansson said she’d been looking to get her breasts involved in more humanitarian work ever since her involvement in PETA’s anti-Santa campaign. “I thought, there has to be more I can do,” she said. “And if my breasts can help feed even one starving Kenyan, it will have been worth the effort.”
In a related story, singer John Mayer’s penis is also hoping to get involved in the campaign to aid drought victims in Africa, once it settles its high-profile defamation suit against John Mayer.
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5 comments
ozzmoesuniverse says:
October 11, 2011 at 1:16 pm (UTC -5 )
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Bawdville says:
October 12, 2011 at 1:17 am (UTC -5 )
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humorherald says:
October 12, 2011 at 4:57 am (UTC -5 )
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humourlist says:
October 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm (UTC -5 )
CAP News – Scarlett Johansson, Breasts Visit Kenya Drought Victims: While there, Johansson’s breasts posed with … http://t.co/FoSD4ebq
Lyricist_Wolf says:
December 2, 2011 at 2:36 pm (UTC -5 )
CAP News | Scarlett Johansson, Breasts Visit Kenya Drought Victims | Satire & Parody http://t.co/YBKVNEIk